Many months ago, my mom (whose email communication with me consists almost entirely of ridiculous forwards) sent me an email containing this image of the Helix Nebula, which should probably be banned for eternity. Now, when I ask you to imagine a dying star, you probably think about Courtney Love or Farrah Fawcett or some other tragic loser. However, some people, especially Evangelicals, seem to think that this trillion-mile-long tunnel of dust and gas is the one and only Eye of God. Seriously? So now, Universe, not only are you providing hope and inspiration to fanatical Christians around the globe, you have decided to make my fucking jaw drop open in awe of your kaleidoscopic dust clouds. Why are you such an asshole? Do you think we want to feel all small and insignificant compared to you? Do you think we feel good knowing that, even when your stars are old and decrepit, they don't go drink Ensure and live in retirement homes for a few years before they die? Well, thank you so very much for making us feel totally unworthy. Thanks a fucking lot for having stars that retire by shooting all of their super-hot gases out into psychedelic rainbows with wavy ultraviolet tentacles that will last for 10,000 years. Damn! Why do you have to be such a bitch, Universe?
